I recently met a girl, say Aysha, who thinks she should break the friendship with her friend because she doesn’t like the friend’s personal life anymore.
Here is what happened.
Her friend just started dating a married man, who has 2 children and a wife. Aysha, strongly believe her friend is interfering and ruining a happy couple. Despite the fact that she has already talked her friend about that, they still have kept on dating. Ayesha now says she has only one option left – that’s not to be friends with the girl anymore.
One of the sentence I used in replying her was ‘Friendships are forever, no matter what.’ But she said its not.
Whats your advice to her? Would you think of doing the same if you were Aysha?
I think everyone knows whats good for them. As a friend I guess Aysha did her bit. Her friend can’t say you never told me if something goes wrong now. But ending the friendship doesn’t sound right to me.
yes, friendships are forever. and yeah, aisha did her bit so its upto her friend to listen to it or not. breaking a friendship over this is not good. its upto us to tell the right way. listening or not is entirely upto the other person and its their private decision.
does this Aysha know the depth of the situation between this man and his wife?
if they are happy, then i guess Aysha is correct
if not, Aysha is still correct
nobody has the right to interfere in a marriage
Aysha did her part by advising this friend
but, if she’s such a good friend, can Aysha leave her just like that?
this is a weird situation
To be honest, from purely an existential point of view, I don’t think these monogamous relationships are the real thing. I think it’s purely a social construct, and centuries of feeding that concept (from Shakespeare to Bollywood to Shameema Yahya’s Dhivehi stories) has indoctrinated us to consider it as fact. Repeat a lie a thousand times and it becomes the truth. Humans’ natural inclination is to have as many friends and (sexual) relationships as possible. So maybe Aysha just “clicked” with this man and I don’t find anything wrong with chemistry flaring between two humans. Perhaps I am being too judgmental. Would need more information before I can give an honest opinion. This is just my immediate reaction to this post.
Just wanted to correct the mistake I left in my previous post. As I was saying, probably Aisha’s friend (not Aisha which was the mistake I wrote) “clicked” with that married man. Maybe Aisha should accept the point I noted in my previous post. I don’t feel it’s right for Aisha to break up her friendship unless that friend did something horrible to Aisha. Thanks.
Ending a friendship is not really the answer, and sometimes its hard to actually know the reasons for whatever her friend is doing..you cant really judge someone unless you have been in the exact same situation…but what is wrong is wrong…
Perhaps she could help her friend realixe the damage she is doing or use a sneaky tactic like find her friend another better mate??
Be friends and help her through it, if friends arent there for you when you need them, theres no use of friendship..I for one dont think your friend would have a married man with two kids in her mind as ‘the one’ ..so obvisoulsy something has gone wrong…and I bet she wouldnt feel all happy about the situation either..there must be a morsel of guilt somewhere…
Regarding Shanoo’s comment: “I for one dont think your friend would have a married man with two kids in her mind as ‘the one’”
I have to disagree:
- I have a friend who is totally in love with a person 15 years older than he
- I have a friend who is totally in love with a person divorced and who has a child from another marriage
- and etc…
True love is not about settling for socially acceptable norms. It is about loving the person body and soul… There are no conditions attached (like you have to be the same age, the other person should be a virgin, the other person should not have been married before, should not be a divorcee, should not have children from another marriage..etc….these are just nonsense fed to us by culture)
i think its upto aysha what she wants to do. if she feels she doesnt wanna be frisnds with this girl its upto her. although this might not be a problem to most ppl it might be a huge deal for aysha which is why she is disappointed in her friendd so much. maybe to the extent that she doesnt really kno wher friend anymore. or even maybe this isnt the friend she got to adore and love. plus stubbornness can sometimes really get to u. its obvious what her friend is doing is not right. her friend will surely be loosing a great friend.and i reckon she is gonna come back and apologize to aysha after things go wrong with this husband who is obviously looking to get laid.
agree with mini.
she cant just say that she wont be her frend.
if the other girl dusnt listen to her, just leave it. its not worth to ruin the friendship. she wud know wats best for her. ayesha is correct. BUT friendship isnt something to play with right? ekaku goas koh kameh kuraa irah, “she dusnt listen to me! so she isnt my friend” isnt a solution =)
Considering your friend Aisha
i think she well understood the other person feeling, she knows how to be in the other person shoe. She understand the hurt and damage her friend may cause to a life which is build up by many years. she understands how those small children will suffer..
Most of all provided that Aisha understand her friend, may be she perfectly knows her friend is not head over heels in love with this person. Provided that Aisha has known her friends life style and partners, she well knows she is not ready to start a life with this particular person.
And nothing but ruin she will bring to two lives..
but as assumptions like this cannot be judged . There may be reasons behind this particular guy dating others behind his wife. If he has valid reasons which he might have told Aisha’s friend but then we cannot accept it..
As for friendship i think Aisha has done her best. she has repeatedly advised her friend..In our religion it is advised if we find a friend in fault to advice her first and if she don’t listen, get or move away from that place..
Also friendship means trust and helping each other in every situation in life.. so in such a situation also it is not right to break up a friendship..
As for chemistry Hilath say, i don’t quite accept.. chemistry of humans lasts minimum of two years, because it all depends on pheromones and hormones secreted. humans get used to it in time from their partner. After two years or probably less if you give chance any human can develop chemistry between another person..Does that mean we have to change partner once in two years? ofcos not… it happens only when u deliberately to it.. chemistry is not magical. Relationship which work more than that depends on dedication, devotion and the mutual love between them..